On the rocks.
Tuesday
jenji
Jan 31, 2008
Jan 26, 2008
Arachnid Inn
Current condition
Puzzled, as I don't recall extending an invitation for visitors of the eight-legged kind.
I suppose he/she just wants out of the tundra and into a warm environment, yet I hesitate to admit that it's still so chilly inside that even I tend to wear a ski hat around the house.
Surely if I exterminated her/him there would be a puddle of vanilla puddin' on the floor, yeah?
I invite you all to pick a name for my new friend.
And by friend I mean, that hairy, eight-legged, 400 eyed monster that is undeniably planning a ritualistic esanguination as I sleep.
Wait jenji, don't you have a ferocious cat whose basic instinct would incline him to snap that thing into a million pieces?
Why yes, yes I do.
In fact, here is Harold's official response to the situation:
...I know.
jenji
Puzzled, as I don't recall extending an invitation for visitors of the eight-legged kind.
I suppose he/she just wants out of the tundra and into a warm environment, yet I hesitate to admit that it's still so chilly inside that even I tend to wear a ski hat around the house.
Surely if I exterminated her/him there would be a puddle of vanilla puddin' on the floor, yeah?
I invite you all to pick a name for my new friend.
And by friend I mean, that hairy, eight-legged, 400 eyed monster that is undeniably planning a ritualistic esanguination as I sleep.
Wait jenji, don't you have a ferocious cat whose basic instinct would incline him to snap that thing into a million pieces?
Why yes, yes I do.
In fact, here is Harold's official response to the situation:
...I know.
jenji
Jan 19, 2008
Pardon Our Gray Matter
Current Condition:
(beep)
Currently, I am systematically cramming copious amounts of medical, statistical and physiological knowledge and/or jargon into The Ol' Noodle via egregiously overpriced textbooks.
Please leave a message.
(beep)
ps The Sarcophagus of fermented and fermenting, Antediluvian viral scum has finally receded.
jenji
Jan 9, 2008
She asked about Envy...
sometimes envy sparks for those who are afraid to walk...
then again, envy may be evoked in an effort to cripple another's stride
more often than not, envy is an infection; an allergic reaction to proactive energy
the mightier the energy, the more envy will begin to swell, spit and itch
like poison ivy, if one resists the temptation to scratch, the infection may soon heal
however, it may never occur to those who bear its burden, that envy is contagious upon the self
that envy is in fact an insidious infection which spreads from within...
jenji
then again, envy may be evoked in an effort to cripple another's stride
more often than not, envy is an infection; an allergic reaction to proactive energy
the mightier the energy, the more envy will begin to swell, spit and itch
like poison ivy, if one resists the temptation to scratch, the infection may soon heal
however, it may never occur to those who bear its burden, that envy is contagious upon the self
that envy is in fact an insidious infection which spreads from within...
jenji
Jan 8, 2008
Five Minutes of Free Association
Things that trouble annoy and/or infuriate me:
when I misplace my Blistex
when someone else asks to use my Blistex
germs
when Ellen Degeneres does a straddle dance over her set table
those who use the term baby bump to describe pregnancy
those who change that term to belly bump
tabloid television
24-hour cable news
people who look over your shoulder while you’re trying to speak to them
those who talk to others while you’re on the phone with them
those who habitually answer a question with another question
smug people
those with an elitist attitude
Crocs
clicks
when Bill O’Reilly calls someone a pinhead
Bill O’Reilly
the word pig as an insult
those who use malicious comments and/or judgments in an effort to level another
getting up before 11 a.m.
fatigue and exhaustion
arrogance
Andy Rooney
bullies
hypocrisy
malls
shopping
judgmental people
racists without a valid, or what could be perceived as valid, argument
homophobes without personal interaction and/or experience with gay people
Ann Coulter
addiction
children with bubbly boogers
dental visits
sunburn
blisters
relatives who steal from one another
the ringer on my home phone
most reality television
people who change their first name without explanation
friends who constantly bicker in my presence
spouses who constantly bicker in my presence
bickering
cold weather
hot weather
most perfume or cologne
loud noise, sound and/or talking
bright light
hot showers
mayonnaise
those who generalize and/or equate Muslim to terrorist
YouTube (for the most part)
middle-aged white men that “little lady” me
scallions
menstrual cramps
skim milk
overweight women who call me a “skinny bitch” and assume that’s politically acceptable
the fluid that collects on top of cottage cheese
insincerity
distracted and/or disinterested sales clerks
sales clerks who call me sweetie, honey or love
close-minded individuals
miserable people who blame everyone else
those who refuse to look inward in an effort to evolve, understand and better co-exist
no-win situations
stinky, flip-flop feet
people who talk, text or heckle during a film in the movie theater
people who leave their shopping cart in the middle of an aisle
people who don’t say please and thank you
receptionists on a power trip who make it difficult to speak and/or see an actual doctor
condescending people
Barbara Walters
those who assume or make assumptions about what other people are thinking
technical mumbo-jumbo
materialistic people
dishonesty
disloyalty
true narcissists
pop radio djs
dismissive attitudes
when my DVR fails to record
Deal or No Deal
my stamina
soggy floor mats
American Idol
potato bugs
insomnia
Things you may not know about me:
I'm a narcoleptic. (Yes, the insomnia is an ironic paradox)
I’m infamous for my periodic food jags
I’ve been known to cry during musical theater and/or big theatrical productions
I’m detail-oriented
I’m probably not thinking what you think I am
I don’t respect those who don’t respect others
I wore a bedazzled glove to a Michael Jackson concert in the ‘80’s
I love disco music
I often speak to my cat in Spanish (me gusta me gato)
I would love to travel around Europe
I have a cockatiel named Little Man who is in fact a female
Throughout winter I’m usually wearing long underwear beneath my clothes
I’m extraordinarily sensitive
I once administered CPR
The very thought, sight or mention of mayonnaise evokes a physical reaction (gaggin)
I become carsick easily
I posed nude for a Spencer Tunick shoot
I find mowing the lawn therapeuticIf possible, I brush my teeth and floss after every meal and before bed
My grandmother was a dead-ringer for Queen Elizabeth
I find Brits comforting, calming and familiar
I often consider myself ignorant
I'm a team player and enjoy collaboration
I have a soft spot for the elderly
I love ketchup, but cannot tolerate tomatoes
I can be reticent
Sirens and clocks make me nervous
I've always found New Year’s Eve depressing
I keep a pen, journal and flashlight next to my bed for middle of the night reflections
I still watch and enjoy ER
At some point I intend to live on/in Manhattan
I look up and attempt to learn several words/day in the dictionary
I used to go entire weekends without using the bathroom during Girl Scout camp excursions
I still have the stuffed dog (DogDye) I received at the age of 1
I love riding dirtbikes
I’m horrible at remembering names
I’m freakishly accurate with time
time is up.
jenji
when I misplace my Blistex
when someone else asks to use my Blistex
germs
when Ellen Degeneres does a straddle dance over her set table
those who use the term baby bump to describe pregnancy
those who change that term to belly bump
tabloid television
24-hour cable news
people who look over your shoulder while you’re trying to speak to them
those who talk to others while you’re on the phone with them
those who habitually answer a question with another question
smug people
those with an elitist attitude
Crocs
clicks
when Bill O’Reilly calls someone a pinhead
Bill O’Reilly
the word pig as an insult
those who use malicious comments and/or judgments in an effort to level another
getting up before 11 a.m.
fatigue and exhaustion
arrogance
Andy Rooney
bullies
hypocrisy
malls
shopping
judgmental people
racists without a valid, or what could be perceived as valid, argument
homophobes without personal interaction and/or experience with gay people
Ann Coulter
addiction
children with bubbly boogers
dental visits
sunburn
blisters
relatives who steal from one another
the ringer on my home phone
most reality television
people who change their first name without explanation
friends who constantly bicker in my presence
spouses who constantly bicker in my presence
bickering
cold weather
hot weather
most perfume or cologne
loud noise, sound and/or talking
bright light
hot showers
mayonnaise
those who generalize and/or equate Muslim to terrorist
YouTube (for the most part)
middle-aged white men that “little lady” me
scallions
menstrual cramps
skim milk
overweight women who call me a “skinny bitch” and assume that’s politically acceptable
the fluid that collects on top of cottage cheese
insincerity
distracted and/or disinterested sales clerks
sales clerks who call me sweetie, honey or love
close-minded individuals
miserable people who blame everyone else
those who refuse to look inward in an effort to evolve, understand and better co-exist
no-win situations
stinky, flip-flop feet
people who talk, text or heckle during a film in the movie theater
people who leave their shopping cart in the middle of an aisle
people who don’t say please and thank you
receptionists on a power trip who make it difficult to speak and/or see an actual doctor
condescending people
Barbara Walters
those who assume or make assumptions about what other people are thinking
technical mumbo-jumbo
materialistic people
dishonesty
disloyalty
true narcissists
pop radio djs
dismissive attitudes
when my DVR fails to record
Deal or No Deal
my stamina
soggy floor mats
American Idol
potato bugs
insomnia
Things you may not know about me:
I'm a narcoleptic. (Yes, the insomnia is an ironic paradox)
I’m infamous for my periodic food jags
I’ve been known to cry during musical theater and/or big theatrical productions
I’m detail-oriented
I’m probably not thinking what you think I am
I don’t respect those who don’t respect others
I wore a bedazzled glove to a Michael Jackson concert in the ‘80’s
I love disco music
I often speak to my cat in Spanish (me gusta me gato)
I would love to travel around Europe
I have a cockatiel named Little Man who is in fact a female
Throughout winter I’m usually wearing long underwear beneath my clothes
I’m extraordinarily sensitive
I once administered CPR
The very thought, sight or mention of mayonnaise evokes a physical reaction (gaggin)
I become carsick easily
I posed nude for a Spencer Tunick shoot
I find mowing the lawn therapeuticIf possible, I brush my teeth and floss after every meal and before bed
My grandmother was a dead-ringer for Queen Elizabeth
I find Brits comforting, calming and familiar
I often consider myself ignorant
I'm a team player and enjoy collaboration
I have a soft spot for the elderly
I love ketchup, but cannot tolerate tomatoes
I can be reticent
Sirens and clocks make me nervous
I've always found New Year’s Eve depressing
I keep a pen, journal and flashlight next to my bed for middle of the night reflections
I still watch and enjoy ER
At some point I intend to live on/in Manhattan
I look up and attempt to learn several words/day in the dictionary
I used to go entire weekends without using the bathroom during Girl Scout camp excursions
I still have the stuffed dog (DogDye) I received at the age of 1
I love riding dirtbikes
I’m horrible at remembering names
I’m freakishly accurate with time
time is up.
jenji
Jan 6, 2008
He asked...
What do you think about January 3rd?
For me, January 3rd has always been a wolf in sheep’s clothing; it is deceptive and deceitful, in that it may allow one to perceive the 3rd as the start of all that is new—of resolution, renewal and revival—when in fact it is meant to leave a person in a hesitant and perpetual state of “Wait, what? Wait a second, what?”
That is, the 3rd has a puzzling ability to leave me annually disoriented, disjointed and ultimately disorganized, as I become critically incapable of correctly recognizing the actual day of the week on which the 3rd may fall. You see January 3, 2008 is not a Tuesday, as it has deviously disguised itself as a Thursday in an attempt to muck up my schedule, routine and thereby, the start of any New Year’s resolution.
What follows is a day riddled with incessant inner chatter and a frenetic, sub cranial bickering between three Freudian cellmates that would leave a family of 10 living in a two bedroom apartment to ask, “why can’t they all just get along?”
So, no it's not Tuesday, it's Thursday, which of course means that the following day will be Friday, or what me and the three amigos will surely come to call Wednesday.
And so it goes...
chase yer tail, round and round...
Circadian confetti
barefoot, primal
follow, follow
sniff, sigh
rinse, repeat
jenji
For me, January 3rd has always been a wolf in sheep’s clothing; it is deceptive and deceitful, in that it may allow one to perceive the 3rd as the start of all that is new—of resolution, renewal and revival—when in fact it is meant to leave a person in a hesitant and perpetual state of “Wait, what? Wait a second, what?”
That is, the 3rd has a puzzling ability to leave me annually disoriented, disjointed and ultimately disorganized, as I become critically incapable of correctly recognizing the actual day of the week on which the 3rd may fall. You see January 3, 2008 is not a Tuesday, as it has deviously disguised itself as a Thursday in an attempt to muck up my schedule, routine and thereby, the start of any New Year’s resolution.
What follows is a day riddled with incessant inner chatter and a frenetic, sub cranial bickering between three Freudian cellmates that would leave a family of 10 living in a two bedroom apartment to ask, “why can’t they all just get along?”
So, no it's not Tuesday, it's Thursday, which of course means that the following day will be Friday, or what me and the three amigos will surely come to call Wednesday.
And so it goes...
chase yer tail, round and round...
Circadian confetti
barefoot, primal
follow, follow
sniff, sigh
rinse, repeat
jenji
Jan 2, 2008
Stop Sneezing on the Strawberries
Current Condition
Currently I am plagued, encased and encrusted in a Sarcophagus of fermented and fermenting, Antediluvian viral scum; far from ephemeral, it is resilient, restless and resistant to...
Echinasea, Zinc, Ester-C, B-Complex...
...still
...sinus medicine, cold medicine, cough medicine, flu medicine, herbal supplements, cough drops, saltwater, hot tea, hot baths, heated sheets, orange juice and roll upon roll of the poor man's Kleenex...
...still
*actual color of mucous unavailable
There are far worse ailments from which one may suffer...
...incurable and insidious...
...but still
stop sneezing on the strawberries.
jenji
Currently I am plagued, encased and encrusted in a Sarcophagus of fermented and fermenting, Antediluvian viral scum; far from ephemeral, it is resilient, restless and resistant to...
Echinasea, Zinc, Ester-C, B-Complex...
...still
...sinus medicine, cold medicine, cough medicine, flu medicine, herbal supplements, cough drops, saltwater, hot tea, hot baths, heated sheets, orange juice and roll upon roll of the poor man's Kleenex...
...still
*actual color of mucous unavailable
There are far worse ailments from which one may suffer...
...incurable and insidious...
...but still
stop sneezing on the strawberries.
jenji
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