And so imagine that you see a rather portly man or woman standing in line at the gas station waiting to pay for gas or various other items. For the purposes of this example let's say this individual is 5' 4" and weighs about 350 pounds; let's say this person is very clearly obese. There are a few other folks in line, as well as the gas station attendant. Now, how many people do you think would find it socially acceptable and/or appropriate to say out loud to this person--a complete stranger-- the following:
"You need to cut back on the nachos and lose a few pounds, Fatty."
I have yet to hear anyone utter anything even remotely similar to an overweight individual in this fashion; okay, maybe a few times in junior high school I can recall some bullies picking on heavier kids, but not since then have I ever heard it again. I'm not talking about a friend who may comment upon an individual's weight to you sotto voce, I'm talking about a direct confrontation, one stranger to another. I've never seen it happen. And yet, I find that complete strangers seem to feel no sense of social structure when they comment upon my weight to my face. In fact, I find that it happens at least once a week.
For example, imagine a woman (ie: me) is 5' 4" and weighs approximately 100 pounds and she is standing in line at the local gas station waiting to pay for her gas and particulars (ie: my gas and particulars) when this man begins to eyeball her up and down (ie: eyeball me up and down) and then scoffs at her (ie: me):
"you need to eat something, Skinny."
OR
A woman (ie: me) walks into a hair salon and another woman--a complete stranger--says to her (ie: me):
"Ugh, why are you so thin? Are you anorexic or something? I wish I could be so thin."
My response: "systemic illness, Asshole."
I've also found that heavier women find it socially acceptable to call me a "skinny Bitch," a passive-aggressive jab wrapped in a generous heap of "I'm just kidding" also known as the indisputable self-loathing. Whatever.
Scenario #2:
Imagine you are at work and the boss' daughter comes in to visit. You haven't seen her in quite a few years and she's really tan, as in at-the-tanning-bed-twice-a-week tan, so the first thing you say to her is:
"You need to stop sitting in the sun, you look like a saddle bag!"
Again, I've never heard it happen and I've seen a lot of saddle bags in my day.
And yet, the boss' daughter (ie: me) wanders into the building to visit and stumbles upon an employee she hasn't seen in a couple of years and he seems to think it's socially acceptable to say:
"Good God, you need to get some sun. Take a vacation, you look like a ghost!"
My response: "Um, first of all, I'm fair-skinned, I've always been that way and the reason I'm so fair is because of my British heritage and overall genetics, not to mention (again) systemic illness and the need to avoid ultraviolet exacerbations, but nice to see you too, Asshole!" Okay, that was my inner response, my real response was: "*uh-huh" as I was taken off-guard by this individual's seamless ability to open with such an fantastic one-liner (see: offensive observation).
*also known as, "oh right, this is why I never visit...I'm outta here, Asshole."
I won't even go into the individuals who refer to me as pale and/or peaked. I've been hearing that since I was a little kid. Okay, maybe one example.
I'm 9 years old and the woman at the ice cream shop greets me:
"Oh darlin, you're so peaked and thin!"
My response: "I don't know what that word means, do you have any double chocolate today?"
I guess my point is that people are insensitive assholes who seem to have no problem with indiscriminately spewing whatever flutters into the vast abyss they call a mind... oh wait, that's my point, it does seem to be discriminating and I find it utterly annoying, as I tend to run into one of these comments, as I mentioned, at least once a week. After a while one can begin to become self-conscious about what is completely natural and might I add significantly out of one's control.
It's bad enough I have to drink mass quantities of Boost to keep myself within triple digits, do you have to point it out as if it's deliberate and I've done something wrong? You can all see the picture of that woman in the right column, does she look like she's asking for an insult? I realize she's adorable, but that's not our topic today, so do your best to answer the question.
I'm just sayin, zip it and mind your own business... Assholes.
jenji
6 comments:
Yes, you ARE adorable. You look just fine to me. Systemic illness and paleness suit you. And you're absolutely right - such people who comment are asking for whatever divine retribution you choose to visit upon them.
In the old West, it would have been a perfectly acceptable response to draw your gun, point it between their eyes and say, "You know, I think you'd look better with another hole in your head." And see how they like THAT. ;-)
People can be such assholes. They can't mind their own business. I hear it all the time about my mental illness. Some people just can't go without tearing someone else down--I don't get it and it's cruel.
You don't deserve that kind of treatment and I think those people are jealous of your beauty. ;) That doesn't make it any easier to hear people rip into you. Especially if it's a total stranger.
I wish I was there to turn around and say, "Was that your mouth or your asshole that just spoke? You sound like you're full of shit, so it must be your asshole.
Why don't you do something worthy of your relevancy in this world and volunteer for duty to test the potency of new poisons."
You are not alone, if that makes you feel any better, you adorable you.
I have a co-worker who is 5'2" and weighs 98 lbs soaking wet. She gets similar comments also about once a week, at least. Complete strangers will walk up to her in a grocery store and tell her to go by the cookie aisle.
Personally I think it's jealousy. They "wish" they had that problem.
I have a very ruddy face -- sans a link to alcohol, sun-exposure, or rosacea. People ask me about once a week, "Have you been out in the sun?" Usually I just say, "Yes".
Back in the days before I started Accutane therapy for cystic acne I had the mother of my husband's brother's wife (you might have to think about that one a while) come up to me within three inches of my face and say, "Oh my goodness, you have such terrible acne!" (as if I didn't already realize this?) I felt like saying to her, "Oh my goodness, you are so terribly fat and old!"
People are assholes.
These people are clearly insecure and uncomfortable around others who aren't as screwed up as they are. Don't let 'em drag you down.
But seriously: Would it kill you to have a sandwich? [g]
Amen.
OMG. Well put! I can't even tell you how many times I've heard the words "peaked" and "thin" come out of strangers mouths! Hearing it from my own friends and family is bad enough. I was even accused of being anorexic by my EP when I first met him. He thought that being able to feel the bones of my ribcage with his stethoscope was surely a sign of an eating disorder! My only eating disorder is that I eat too much and it still won't make me gain weight! This is a bit of a frustrating predicament to be in! Apparently it's much more socially acceptable to call people out if they're thin or pale but forbidden to call them fat or fake n baked. THANK YOU FOR THIS POST!!! Showing this one to a fellow 'pale' pal of mine!
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