The Consummate Gentleman

And here we have yet another example that explains my visceral aversion to alcohol, as well as to the individual who will wholeheartedly embrace the inherent properties and components of alcohol that in excess will undeniably allow said individual to make a conscious decision to engage in imbecilic behaviors that more often than not precipitate copious consumption of alcohol, as the effects will more often than not allow and encourage one to believe that their drunken behavior is somehow appropriate for any given moment, as if their presence, behavior and opinions for that particular moment are somehow concentric to the universe at large. In other words, I find drunken people and their self-indulgent behaviors to be highly irritating and more often than not offensive.

The particulars:

Upon my first introduction to the gaggle of people that I'll be playing on a summer volleyball league with, I found myself *fascinated (*see antonym: repulsed) by the amount of *premium ale (*see: piss-warm beer) that this one individual in particular could consume all the while butchering the English language into a fragmentary, bloody pulp. Example: “that ain't true yous guys, that's a fuckin wad, man!”

It was only upon game number two—match number one—that I was further *delighted (*see: disgusted) by not only his unwavering ability to butcher basic sentence structure, but by his effortless ability to do so whilst engaged in formidable and entirely competitive co-ed volleyball with at least 3-4 beers coursing throughout his system, and might I add that I was genuinely *impressed (*see: under whelmed) and dare I say *sexually aroused (*see: sexually repelled) by his casual and astoundingly cavalier decision to suddenly take a leak in between side out points just along court side west. That is, after the side out, I pushed myself up off of the sand and spun around to see a grown man taking a piss a foot away from the service area. A piss straight into the wind I might add.

Truly remarkable. I can only hope that he's single. I say he, as I find myself unable to actually recall his name, as the presence of his piss in the wind created an offensive miasmic mist that surely caused my short-term memory to temporarily shutdown. And rightly so.

And so, I don't presume to fully understand the particulars and/or protocol regarding the male plumbing system, however despite its mechanical convenience I cannot think of any other male friend, relative and/or acquaintance who would pull such a gauche move in anything other than an emergency situation, while I'm quite sure that I’d find myself hard-pressed to piss whilst in the presence of some very dear friends, let alone in front of a stranger, in an open lot, surrounded by four other courts in a state of play, which translates into roughly 48 other individuals on the premises at the time.

The question is: would he have still done so sans booze? Maybe, maybe not. What I do know is that alcohol serves as the great magnifier, as it evokes behavior and attitudes that one might ordinarily stifle, as they could be construed as less than attractive or acceptable; rude even. And so, I'm sure that while it would have certainly occurred to The Sober Consummate Gentleman to take a leak court side west, his better judgment would have allowed him to use the restroom like any other human being, child or trained cat.

I'm just sayin.

jenji