The Punctuality of Correspondence

I would like to briefly address yet another item indicative of both the disintegration and degradation of the self-respect, efficiency, common sense and overall decency on the part of the federal faculties of the US Postal Service, as well as the all encompassing current state or might I say, disorderly State of Our Union.

I just received my friend's invitation to her out of town art installation, running February 16th to March 29th, today. Yeah, so I think I won't be making that show. I mean, as an artist, fashionably late can be the norm, but this would just be ridiculous.

Hey postal service? ...late much? I realize many of you have taken to delivering mail in civilian clothes and that's fine, as long as you deliver my mail within oh I dunno, 2-3 weeks of the postmark.

So, what could possibly be the hold-up?

As you might expect I have a theory and you should be informed that the following is a true story.

I would submit that a certain pathologically obsessed mail worker who had previously stalked me and who can only be described as a nonsensical, contradictory cross between a gigantic eunuch and an emboldened hermaphrodite, has in fact resurfaced.

To be more precise, said mail worker is a walking, talking progeny of a genetic misfire involving a kinky, drunken threesome between Hellboy, Alice the Goon and Jabba the Hutt, who was indeed forced into retirement, through a deal she struck with the federal government to avoid confinement for her felonious, federal offenses against me, which only commenced after HellGoonHutt had taken the bait (literally) of a decoy envelope addressed to me, which secretly had a federal tracking device in it, wherein she was ultimately followed, run-down, cornered and surrounded by 3 undercover vehicles packed with federal agents in the middle of an intersection and consequently arrested for possession of said decoy, where upon opening the trunk they found almost 2 years worth of my mail, while another heaping pile spilled from the glove compartment into the street—

Yes, I would not only submit that this disturbed freak of nature has somehow been reinstated as said mail worker despite her earlier, court-enforced retirement, but in fact bet that she has once again started to glean, hoard and jam both my relevant and irrelevant mail down her size XXX, polyester, federally issued postal trousers (for real, stuffed them down her pants), in an effort to silence, threaten, intimidate, and control me (as if).

Yet, two and a half Presidential terms ago it would have been utter nonsense to realistically consider that such a reinstatement could ever come into logical fruition and therefore, I would like to posit that it is entirely possible in our country’s current, illogical state of oh-no-you-didn't, it-can’t–possibly-be- existence. You know I'm saying?

I mean, this is just a theory, but the back story is true just the same.

In the end I'm just sayin'...US Postal Service....slow much?

jenji