Ask Harold advises Red from 5/29

On 5/29 Red inquired at Ask Harold
--I don't know anything about bawwwwwwls but eye do have a question for harold NOW about my cries of lust and wanting that continue into the night? Is this normal for a certain lady that was suppose to have been FIXED! Harold please help NOW, RARA MEOWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Thank you for the question, Red.

It was just this morning as I was cleaning my bawwwwls that I began to reflect upon my own “fixing.” Frankly, I thanked my mother for having me snipped because it cut (literally) my bawwwwl maintenance down by at least half—I mean, the surface area alone of the un-neutered bawwwwls can double your cleaning time, as well as make it difficult to sit, squat and think.

I have also experienced the annoyance of what I’ll refer to as, “The Post-Spay-Lay-Play,” with a former roommate of mine who went by the name, Spooky. Or, as we all came to call her, “Horny! Horny! Horny!” Then again, when Spooky would writhe all through the late, late evening and early, early morning hours my mother would often call her something like, “Yer fuckin killin me cat! Killin me!” I’m not sure what this means, but Spooky answered to it with the customary “RARA MEOWWWWWWWWW” as you mentioned and I certainly appreciated the reference to bawwwls.

You see, although Spooky was spayed, she had the unrelenting ritual of rubbing her, what we came to call “tang,” all over every surface of the house. Every spring and summer Spooky pushed, shoved, thrust, jammed and dragged her tang onto and at anything with a tangible presence. This is the "Post-Spay-Lay-Play" that I spoke of earlier. She left a snail trail imprint of her nonsense, which if asked to describe said nonsense for a line-up, I would describe it as an irritated, inverted Slim Jim lookin’ for attention. I suspect this ritual is similar to the ritual of your kitty.

I cannot say whether this behavior is normal for fixed kitties per se, but I can certainly relate to your quandary.

My advice is as follows:

My mother has a device that she uses for—well, for what I’m not sure because when she does use it she usually shuffles me out of the room or incessantly screams at me, “Harold, don’t look”—right before the lights dim and I hear the sump pump motor fire up—which is odd because I don’t live in a house with a sump pump. Anyway, this device seems to calm my mother and keep her from rubbing her own tang on the walls in an almost magical way. I asked for one for Christmas, but all I got was a lousy two-dollar faux fur mouse made of CoonDog hair. Maybe you could purchase one of these devices for your kitty and leave her to it—but I strongly advise that you leave her alone with it—I must warn you that if you insist on watching she’s liable to throw a shoe at you—I’ve got the permanently bent whisker to prove it. I'd like to be able to describe this device to you better, but I found a picture (see below) that is very similar to my mother's device, except a different color.

Recommended "Post-Spay-Lay-Play" Device










Other than that Red, you should probably accept your fixed kitty for who she is and let the poor little lady out for a quick slap and tickle whenever possible.

And now, back to my glorious bawwwwls before they dry out.

Good day.

Harold